I should move on, just getting started (???)

Hello World

since I posted about my strange day yesterday, I continued my own strange behaviour today to do all the things I know to be wrong, but still have done them because I was too distracted, too weak, too lazy or all of the above to change it. 

For example: I should have gone to the unemployment agency to notify them that I am in need of a job as of the 1st of August 2012. I might get some finincial support from them too, which is still unclear because I have not gone yet (nearly two months since I got fired while I was on sick leave).  And if I ask me why, I can only come to those explanations:

- I am ashamed and

- I am not in deep shit enough

Both should not be considered reasonable behaviour for a grown up, that has experienced some bad years but still has the luxury not to be forced to take on some drastic steps to get grip of my life again. That is the next nice situation to ask: What does that say about me???

Well, I should start to anwer that question soon, because I need to have a midterm perspective soon or my life will turn real bad soon. 

On the positive side, I got my first comment on my blog from a friend. :) Is that more or less valuable for it? :D I think, since he operates his own blog, its a great compliment. :) 

So, THANK YOU, Mark! :)

And I have spoken to another friend in Down Under, that I have not spoken in four weeks. We discussed mostly all the models on that webcaming site I am trying not to log onto again. Since I fail there everyday, even that I do not join models in the room, spend time or money in it, I am still not strong enough to stay away, nor is my interest on what is going on with the site and the models gotten weaker in now 4 weeks. :( I will have a long time to recover.

Oh well, this coming Friday I have a wedding in my family, and since noone knows of my situation so far, I am very tempted to find an excuse not to go there, and I could use also the money that I need ot spend otherwise on a train ticket and on a gift. OMG, I am really fucked up lately.

ok, before I let you all go to sleep over my endless complains, I will say this: stay tune for more shit coming soon. :)

Big Hug

MLB