today is a wonderful day. I visited a webcam model aquitance on flirt4free by the name Sean Holmes. I have not seen him in over 6 weeks, since I decided to take a sabbatical time from flirt. The reasons why I was there are very easy and supportive of each other: 1. I WANTED to go there, and 2. RUSS and CID, the friends I met online on there some months ago and with whom I spend hours on flirt and especially with Sean, were not able or willing to go online and support Sean on his show tonight. So I felt obligated for moral support, since it has changed nothing in my financial situation. I admit though, that I used the 2nd reason to cover up or even strengthen the 1st one very much. Shame on me..!
But, I had a great time. A lot of the other viewers I have met in the last 8 months, since I visit Sean, and I had much fun with Sean and them. The only bad side is that it got me so good, I am thinking of going online with Sean tonight again. And, I was tempted to spend money too, which is a BAD thing. So, I am fighting basicly my own urges for playing a simple game, cause my situation is not, and I surely am not simple myself. I strongly believe, that if I would be an easy and simple guy, I would not have those depression issues that much.
The sick time I spend in my appartment in the last 4 months was more than enough to question all what is me or what I am still holding dear from me. Believe me, I never hold myself very much dear at all. So doubting my qualities, doubting my strength and even doubting my values is one side of my sickness and is enforced by the lack of reality and the amount of virtual illusion that you can dream, buy and have in any other way. I bet, a lot of you know what I am talking about., and in case you don't, BE HAPPY and hold on to it.
Well, and why is it still a wonderful day? The sun is shining, I had a talk with a long missed aquintance, I went out shopping fresh food on the weekly farmers market and I am confident, that I might have some good time today.
Apropo good times: OMG, I was in the bus the other day, and I laid my eyes on a pure peace of hotness. Be warned: I know he is far too young, but his presence was so dazzling and mesmerizing, I got a boner looking at his hot body. And, shame on me, I took some pics with my handy phone. I thought for myself: Damn, this should be forbidden, to be hot like this and walk around dressed and giving honest horny gay guys like me such a "hard" time, without the potential situation to touch or to watch him being touched by a similar hot guy. :( Live SUCKS!!!! :D and for those, who call me not a child malester, I know he was at least 4 years to young, but he was over 18 and imagine him in 5 years!!!!!
Well, here you go:
I am not asking what you think, but what DO you think? :) worshipping his hard body, his hot biceps and play with the hidden fruits...! Seufz! Life can be so cruel.
OH, apropo thinking: What did you think about my story? :) Did it "brightens" your imaginations in a certain way? If so, that was supposed to do it, if not, well, I am still trying. :)
Have a great weekend and more self centered stuff will be published on here soon.
Big Hug
MLB
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